A Thin Line

Yesterday I caught myself telling a Soul Sistar that I can’t imagine having a better life and that now I just need to rock it out so I can sustain it.

Damn.  Considering my life just two years ago, that says a LOT!

…however, when I’m completely honest with myself…it’s not altogether true, either…

I can think of plenty of things I want to be able to do that are not necessarily in my realm of possibility right now: traveling with the casualness you would go to the store; having a full wardrobe of beautiful, ethically produced clothes; eating exclusively the best and highest quality clean foods, or being able to eat at any fancy farm-to-plate restaurant whenever I feel like it (I’m thinking of Terra now for the locals), and more…  I can think about these things–all the things I’d enjoy having that I don’t have now, if I choose to…

But usually I don’t.  Usually I spend my time playing in a mental loop that is constantly gushing about everything all around me.  ‘Omg, I love my life so much!’ ‘Wow–I’m so blessed!’ ‘I love this window!’ ‘I love this blanket!’ ‘I love the peace of waiting in carline for my son!’ ‘These almonds taste like heaven!’ Etc etc. These are the things I focus on instead…even while I’m also aware of those other things I can think of when I choose to.  

However, there was a time when I thought that if I were content with my conditions, I wouldn’t feel the compulsion to keep pushing forward.  I thought it would kill my motivation and my growth would stagnate.  (Yep, I thought that…)  On the other end, I’d learned that we attract what we feel and think about most consistently and most intensely.  This read as a contradiction to me that I couldn’t quite reconcile, which basically kept me captive as my own worst enemy.

But there is a straddle here, one I’ve been dancing for the last 18 months or so, since I made the conscious decision to rewire my brain to focus on all the amazing things around me, rather than dwelling on the fact that I was a single mother with a painfully tiny support system struggling to keep her job while battling severe and disabling PTSD from the most tragic year I had ever experienced. 

My mental tapes didn’t always sound the way they do now, and if they ever did resemble those sentiments, it was contrived and forced…ie lying to myself.  But once I made that conscious choice to re-focus on what I was genuinely grateful for, as consistently as possible, no matter how small, the default patterns of my brain (which are literally structural “wiring”) shifted so that now I get to spend my days splashing around in my own mental waterpark, constantly inspired with badass ideas and cracking myself up with my hilarious comic talent! (I seriously crack myself up, you guys…)  

While it can be a challenge to be grateful for what we perceive to be lacking, finding all these little things all around us that we are grateful for is the bridge between present undesired conditions and living life on our own terms.

The beauty is that as we create new mental networks, we no longer have to put effort into focusing on the awesomeness; that’s just what we see most prominently, and our world shifts accordingly as we draw in more and more experiences that are aligned with everything our thoughts perpetuate.  

As what I’d told my friend hit me today, I realized that this is it: the magic happens when we marry gratitude and desire.  In this space, we dance the line of gratitude for our current experience while creating excitement around our desires, rather than feeling as if that desire represents a lack.

And if we want to get really powerful and playful (as I know you all really want deep inside, even if you’re a little shy to admit it), we can even think in terms of getting turned on by this desire, this anticipation of what’s coming next, all the while exploding in constant mental orgasm over everything around us, for this “sexual energy” is LIFE FORCE energy, and when we learn to cultivate and harness it, well…then YOU become the Wand, my Love.  <3

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