Little Sarah

My magic is currently focused predominately on reconciling my psychological class conditioning as a wage worker so that I can open up to the abundance that I am generating with my Work…levels of abundance I have never experienced and, sadly, have seen as out of my league.

In response, I am being reconnected with the little girl I literally wrote a eulogy for in my early twenties: myself.

I thought I needed to kill Sarah in order to move on and into wellness and a thriving life. I had come thick from survival mode. As a girl, I taught myself to lucid dream because the nightmares were so intense, and I was afraid of things lurking in the dark even into my thirties. 

I thought Sarah as broken, damaged, ugly, bad, stained, tainted. So I killed her. And most of my past along with it.  I thought the only way out was to leave everything behind and start anew.

I realized just now…all the hate and disapproval I had for myself, everything i thought was wrong with me, is all me taking on my parents’ shit.

I am older now than they were by the time they did most of the damage. And now that this awareness has come to light, as a grown ass woman, I can make a choice….

Do I continue to play small because I’m still carrying the shitty psychology my parents gave me about who I am and who my people are? Or do I recognize they themselves were broken children and see that I was never bad, never ugly, never wrong. It’s not that I fixed myself to “become” a good person (my standing internal rhetoric), but that I simply absorbed my parents’ shit growing up, as every kid does.

I was born amazing and I still am.  I no longer have to own their conditioning. It is not real and it is not me. I can even love and embrace and forgive Sarah for what she became from her conditioning–a dirty, sad, ugly, insecure, fearful, depressed little girl.

And now I realize this is the Shadow Integration necessary for me to move onto the next step.

I am Sarah, and I have always been beautiful.

Remember

The way to Remember is through the body.

This is why they cut us off from it…

Sensual Fluency is our liberation.

Lingering Secrecy

How many of us walk this life unconsciously seeing through lenses colored by the dirty secrets of our childhood homes?

Who are YOU?

Potential Side Effects

Sensual Fluency is mastery of the language of the body and the senses.

Here, our bodies become the wand.

We wield the power of our divine sensuality, simply by walking the planet in full Integration.

This is Living Magic.

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Warning: may drastically shift your world to reveal inner peace, Womb-deep Joy, and magical powers you never knew you are.

Do not attempt to cultivate Sensual Fluency if you do not enjoy laughter, refuse to play, or if you are afraid to get a little dirty…

…magic ain’t for scardey cats…

In Tact

I no longer feel any dissonance between my conscious self and my innate self.

I remember when I knew who I was. Before the Forgetting.

As a little girl, six years old.

I stood at the height of a slide and took the moment before slinging myself down the squeaky hot metal.

The wind took up my wild hair and thrashed it against my face. It whispered to me then. Words that aren’t words, knowings I could never say in human form, but of which I am completely certain.

The Wind told me who I am.

I was saddened for what the little girl endured later. As a Mother now, I mourned for her. I wondered what she could have become had she grown on proper nourishment.

But I did not dwell there. For I found that as I connected with her, as I felt for her, felt WITH her, I realized…I am still her and I am completely in tact. Nothing has been lost.

Now, thirty years later, I have somehow found myself on the other side of the constant tragedy that was all I knew growing up…  I see there are no gaps between that little girl’s purest desires and my now…and everything in between has given me the refinement, the enlightenment, the schooling, to lend my life as the healer I am. The pain, the forgetting, the psychological suicide was all a part of seasoning for my Work.

Nothing inherent has been lost of me and I have come full circle.